… but today I couldn’t think straight. Considering I drink coffee type beverages maybe once every couple of weeks at most in my non-preggo state, the caffeine is a huge boost when I do have it. Considering I’ve been on decaf pretty much since finding out I was pregnant, today when I went for a white mocha it was highly effective in giving me the energy to get things done. The crash afterwards, however, left me feeling a bit dead in the water. I don’t plan to make it a habit, but I can’t be good ALL the time.
Fortunately I’m now home and relaxing. I’ll put dinner on shortly so that it’s ready when Adam gets here.
I’m also going to accept, tonight, that I actually like and want to watch American Idol. I’m giving in to this guilty pleasure. Luckily for me, it’s on one of the two channels I get with the antenna.
Adam’s looking for a new job, by the way. If anyone has suggestions or recommendations, please pass them along to me. It would be very helpful if he found a new job in the next couple of months. Thanks!
I had initially started writing on this subject in an online forum for women who are mountain bikers, but something made me stop – mostly a feeling of dicsconnect from a group of women doing a sport that I’m temporarily banned from enjoying, as well as a distinct feeling that they don’t want to hear about my pregnancy. Maybe I need to find some pregnant friends or something – I really am starting to feel like the women I know aren’t interested in listening to me ramble about the weirdness that is my body these days, and that makes me censor myself.
The thread was about body image, specifically, and I wanted to express just how being pregnant has affected me in terms of my body image. Sometimes I just feel fat. I’m not even really that big yet, but I feel the belly and sometimes it gets in the way, and I get weirdly insecure about it. It’s not like I’m trying to go out and impress anyone, but I feel like if anyone is looking at me they just think I’m fat – not pregnant. It’s not really rational – sometimes I feel fine about myself, sometimes I feel terrible. Adam, being the ever-attentive and wonderful husband that he is, tells me I look beautiful. I’m guessing this is normal and pregnant women go through it, but I don’t really know who to talk to about such things.
What I didn’t realize until I started writing this, however, is how pregnancy is affecting more than just my body image. It’s having a major impact on my interactions with people. I’ve become less inclined to get into conversations with people, partly because I’m so focussed on being pregnant that it’s bound to come up somehow – and if I’m talking to non-pregnant people I’m quite sure they aren’t interested. Even if they are. The same goes for online discussions – since I’m part of various forums that involve mountain biking, I feel less and less able to contribute to anything. Plus I get a little frustrated that I can’t for the next six months at least, and sometimes don’t want to hear about it. Same goes for all sorts of other activities that I have to exclude myself from.
It’s not even that I’m looking for someone to talk to about being pregnant. That isn’t it, really. Maybe it would help, maybe it wouldn’t. I’m just finding that I’m less and less connected to the people I usually talk to. It’s disconcerting.
It’s all right though. In a little over five months I’ll have a baby, and no time to converse with anyone anyhow.
The cats are getting spring fever. I’ve got the windows wide open to let in the fresh warm air (it must be around 10-15 degrees celcius out there) and the cats are staring intently out. Dayle just randomly assaulted Sera.
There are kids in the alley behind my building biking around and playing, in shorts and t-shirts. The scent of flowers is thick in the air, and crocii have started appearing. Yes, it’s the standard end-of-February spring thaw in Vancouver. The upsides to living here really are awesome. So what if we’ll never buy a house in North Vancouver?
I was trapped in the house all morning waiting for UPS to arrive. They did, but it was a package for Adam and thus not as exciting as one might hope. This afternoon, however, I have every intention of getting outside. The plan is to go to Canadian Tire to get a car battery for Huffy (once she has a battery we can sell her!) and a few other things like light bulbs and a bedroom window blind. I will do my best not to overshop – I think I’m in the sort of mood that could get me in trouble.
I would have acquired a battery for Huffy sooner, but I didn’t want to carry it back home on the bus. Those things are heavy. Fortunately, Lorne has agreed to drive me there and back. Some things really do go better with a car, and I do miss that convenience Huffy afforded us.
I’m surprised that no one’s had any suggestions for me on things I could make, keep, create, or whatever for the future adult that my baby will become. I’m a little disappointed I guess.
I’m feeling more and more pregnant with each passing day – feeling butterflies that might be a baby moving, with a belly getting in the way of things. I’m still funny about foods – things taste weird, and I’m still amazed at how picky I’ve become.
Things are becoming more real… I’ve started thinking about how there will actually be a baby here in a while. I’ve sewed a blanket with Jessica’s help, and I’m about a quarter of the way through a crocheted blanket I’m making. The kidlet will have two blankets at least that I’ve made. The idea has me thinking that there are other things I want to make for this baby… I’ve had a few ideas – inspired a little by things I think as an adult I might like to have had. I don’t expect the blankets to last into the kid’s adulthood, let’s be honest here. I’m more thinking about something to give him or her when they’re older.
I have an idea of my own to start with, but if you have ideas or suggestions (and I don’t think scrapbooking is for me) please leave a comment.
Today I’ve done laundry, cleaned the kitchen, logged in to work and send an email to get something there fixed, swept the floors, mopped the floors, and I think that’s about it. The apartment is tidier now. I still need to take a shower and go get the laundry out of the dryer downstairs.
The cats, on the other hand, have been lying on the couch all day watching me while intermittently sleeping. I feel somewhat envious of this, although I know that sleeping would probably just give me a headache.
I claim some boredom, but really I’m happy to not be at work today, and I’m happy to be able to mop the floors (they needed it!) and get some laundry done and lounge around with the kitties.
This week on the way home one evening I started to feel really pregnant. Not just the knowledge that I’m pregnant, and not a some of the discomfort of side effects and the like, but just sitting there on the bus incredibly aware of the belly. It’s definitely showing, and I’ve started feeling it in a different way. I don’t know if I can adequately explain it, to be honest. It just feels different than usual.
I think I may pull out the guitar and play for a little while.
So it looks like we will be able to go on a vacation before the baby arrives, barring any unforseen circumstances. This is an incredibly exciting development for which I am eternally grateful. We’ve booked it for mid-April (once we determined which week we weren’t having company.)
So yeah – we’re heading to Arizona to hang out in a resort in the desert – because I’ve never been to the desert, and it seems cool to go from rainforest to desert in a single day.
The eco-obsessed person in me is unhappy about the whole ‘flying to the resort, staying in a resort’ un-eco-ness of it all, but the part of me that desperately wants one last vacation before Ultra Magnus makes an appearance is overruling things. And so, although I won’t be able to bike, and I won’t be able to go horseback riding, and I won’t be able to hike strenuous things, we are going to Arizona, and it will be awesome.
We had our first ultrasound today. It wasn’t supposed to be until the 20th, but I did the triple screen maternal serum test (questionable though its results may be) and they wanted to confirm how far along we are. Apparently the test came back suggesting that I might not be as far along as we had thought. Sadly, this means I have to do the triple screen AGAIN.
As it turns out, I’m not, apparently. Not entirely suprising considering how weird September and October were for my cycle. At any rate, I’m about 15 weeks along, according to measurements from the ultrasound. Our technician was really nice and pointed things out to us, which was very cool. She printed out a few pictures for us, which I brought to work and scanned, and promptly posted up on flickr.
During the ultrasound I couldn’t help but think “well, I guess there’s really a baby in there…” Heh. Nothing like seeing a little moving creature to solidify things, I guess. Adam was really excited about it too.
Too early to tell whether it’s a boy or girl yet, I think. They didn’t ask if we wanted to know, anyhow.
I now have a sewing machine. In attempt to learn to use it, I’ve found some patterns at value village. Now I just need some material, so that’s my plan for later today – a trip to Dressew downtown. Jessica is going to help me, which is good, because I don’t have the slightest idea where to start with a sewing machine. I can sew bits of scrap fabric, but patterns and making useful things is kind of not something I get.
In addition to sewing, I’m crocheting a little blanket while I bus to and from work. Look at me being all Home-Ec and stuff.
Adam and I are hoping to get one last little holiday in, just the two of us, before the baby arrives and changes life as we know it. We have rarely had the opportunity to go somewhere alone together – most of our vacations have been with groups, or friends, or family. Really, the only vacation-like thing we’ve done with just the two of us was the drive back across the country after the wedding. What we’d really like to do now is go somewhere and stay for a weekend, or a week, and be tourists on vacation. It’s a little unfortunate that we won’t be able to do things like biking, but we’ll still have fun I think.
That is, assuming we can find a way to actually afford such a getaway. I got some money to spend on myself for Christmas, and haven’t done so – I’m hoping to put that towards some sort of vacation for us, but it’s not really enough.
Still, I’m fairly convinced that we can’t afford not to do something. I’ve been lobbying for a vacation with just the two of us for years now. It was never a real priority though. Now I think maybe it is… if I can just figure out how to do it.