Am I good enough for you?

There is often a lot on my mind these days, and I tend to not give it any outlet, for many different reasons. Knowing myself, this is not the healthiest way for me to deal with things.

I wonder, lately, if I should be making an effort to be part of some kind of community – be it online or in the physical realm. Adam pushes me to submit photos to contests or sites, but it often seems to me that there is a specific community/clique happening, and I can’t break into these things. I just don’t want to put in an effort to become part of the in crowd. Is this detrimental to me? Probably. I suppose it’s partly that I don’t feel at all on the same level, and that’s how I feel about everything I do in my entire life – I’m not that good at any of it, I just tend to branch out in as many directions as possible. Perhaps I’m putting more energy and focus into photography than anything I’ve done before, but I still don’t feel that anything is different.

Am I improving? I think so. Is it enough?

Well that’s the thing. My standards are so high it’ll never be enough.

Does that mean I should give up on it? At this point I don’t think I could if I tried. I take pictures of things because I really, truly, honestly want to take pictures of things.

I don’t know what the point of all this is. I guess I just came close to considering getting a new computer again today, and it fell through (never really got off the ground, really) and I’m once again terribly disappointed. And I can’t think of anything to do about it besides sell my body somewhere. Does Vancouver have a red light district? Or get some part-time job (if I could even find one) and destroy what little health I seem to have at the moment.

Ah well. I could put my soul on the market, but I don’t think people pay for those in cash monies.


  • ashkitty

    April 30, 2006 at 7:21 am

    The last time I noticed Vancouver’s Red Light district, it was by my hotel, but fuck all if I remember what hotel or where it was. Guess you’ll have to do something else. *g*

    I know what you mean, anyway. Even the things we’re good at, there are all these people who are better, and even if they’re not better they were there first.

    Try to find somewhere you feel more comfortable? Or someone to take you under their wing, sort of, and do a lot of the networking for you?

    • Jenny Lee Silver

      May 1, 2006 at 6:00 am

      There really isn’t anywhere I feel all that comfortable. I’m not comfortable until I know everything, and that rarely happens, really…

      But yeah. You pretty much hit it right on there.