Instead of fencing last night, I came home and took care of Adam, who hasn’t been well the past few days (not flu/cold/etc., but a flare-up of one of his ongoing health problems.) Unfortunately he was hoping it would be better by today, and from what he’s told me since I got home, it’s not.

To make up for missing fencing last night, I went to tonight’s class. There are things that are starting to make sense for me now that previously were incomprehensible – I consider that a good sign. However, I seem to still have problems with moving both my feet and the rest of my body all together properly. I either remember the feet and forget the arms, or vice versa. I”ll get it at some point, things will just *click* like they did with guitar, I’m sure.

I walked around testing the fencing class’s acoustics… Oh man do I want to bring a guitar and sit and just play and listen to myself sing. I could be so … loud. In that way that’s so very cleansing, that way that I haven’t been in forever. The way that makes the cats think I’m upset. Oh catharsis how I miss thee…

I’m trying extremely hard to not get frustrated with Adam’s recurring health problems. Their timing, in this case, have the potential to impact us in ways that I don’t like to think about. He’s just got a new part time (one day a week) position at work that pays better for that day than what he makes at his usual job, and this could soon lead to something else… like say a real-paying job. The kind that would balance us and give us the ability to actually move forward instead of the incessant treading water we’ve been doing for the past while. If, however, he starts missing a lot of work again due to these issues, not only would it affect his emotional health (he’s an active guy and hates being unable to move,) but also his potential to move up in his job.

So yeah. I’m trying not to think about it because it seems a bit selfish. I guess it is. I want him to be well. I want him to succeed at work and feel useful and creative and productive. I want him to be making more money than me so I can take the pressure off myself for a while. And so that I can think about replacing this computer, and Adam getting a bike, and maybe actually being able to go out riding with me.

By the way, the Picture a Day is updated, and I added some stuff to the photo journal from our hike on Sunday, including this photo:

The view from on high

1 Comment

  • mishamish

    March 15, 2006 at 1:28 pm

    Don’t worry about the fencing bit. The entire point of the early stages of learning is drill, drill, drill, drill, DRILL! When I was learning, we worked on footwork for over a month before we ever even picked up a blade. The point being to make everything so automatic, so absolutely natural that you don’t THINK about it when you do it, you just realize what it is you want your body to do and it DOES it.

    Of course, just seeing your weapon in the icon, you’re probably learning a fairly different style of fencing than I was.

    But when you come right down to it, it’s all about how to get a few feet of sharpened skill around someone else’s few feet of sharpened steel without them getting their few feet of sharpened steal around at you. And, in that light, there HAS to be SOME similarities.