NaNoWriMo and life in general

I’ve now written 10,376 words towards my 50,000 for NaNoWriMo. I’m feeling pretty good about that. I only have to write that much four more times and I’ve made it.

Adam’s on a diet to lose some weight. It’s mostly a ‘don’t eat white things (bread, pasta, cream-based stuff) and don’t eat after 7:30pm’ type diet. And he has to increase his veggie & fruit intake. I thought maybe I’d try that too, but the after 7:30 not eating thing is really hard on me. I’m getting a hunger headache, and my stomach’s killing me, and I’m getting a bit shakey and grumpy. Perhaps this is not a diet for me… I need to eat every four hours when I’m awake so as to keep my sugar levels stable. I may go see this Naturopathic doctor myself sometime, to figure out how better to manage that. Maybe when we’ve got some extra money.

Speaking of Adam, he went to see the specialist, who told him he has chronic non-bacterial epididymitis, and to deal with the pain and get on with his life. He went back to our doctor, who also told him to deal with the pain and get on with his life. Both of them told him to never bike again. He was pretty upset. I was pretty upset. It’s all very upsetting. He’s in enough pain to keep him home from work, and he’s not the type of person to complain about things or blow pain out of proportion at all. He hates what this has done to him. And his job involves a lot of things to do with biking. Plus, I just spent an insane amount of money on an awesome bike, partly because I wanted to go riding with Adam. Now I can ride but he can’t. It’s just not right.

The Naturopathic Doctor seems to be more helpful. Rather than saying there are no solutions and that he’s going to live in pain for the rest of his natural life, at least this guy has ideas to fix the problem, or at least get it to a manageable level. Adam’s not willing to give up on the biking thing yet – there are huge communiites and forums of people with the same issue he has, who have received the exact same treatment from medical doctors and have looked for alternatives to endless pain.

This may affect many things in our life for a very long time to come, from diet to activities to our sex life. I’m just hoping it doesn’t affect our ability to have kids – as it has for some with the same issue. That would be… well, difficult for me to deal with, at best. Not to say that I wouldn’t, but really… My faith in the universe being a karmic place that will let things work out well in the end, that faith I’ve had for much of my life, that kept me from going over the deep end when I was dealing with childhood and adult abuse, and later in therapy dealing with post-abuse issues, and having a nervous breakdown, and having to go through years of living on the edge of the poverty line… I always had that hope that things would someday work out well in the end. For a while I thought they had, life was turning around and I was starting to feel that things were going well, finally.

Now we get to deal with this. Really, universe. If you’re trying to teach me a lesson about being strong in the face of adversity or something, I get it. Can I please have less adversity now? Did I really piss off the universe somehow?

If I believe in Karma, then I’ll have to believe that I have done something incredibly bad to people at some point. I think I’d rather not believe in Karma, because I can’t think of anything I’ve done that’s worth this much pain.


  • ashkitty

    November 6, 2005 at 8:54 am

    *hugs* Good luck to both of you. (That sounds incredibly painful. Poor Adam.) Hey, maybe karma’s just letting you bank some away for later?

  • artyste

    November 6, 2005 at 9:12 am

    I gave up on Karma a very long time ago.

  • ginamoog

    November 6, 2005 at 9:20 am

    Medical Dr’s are black & white. Naturopath’s offer suggestions & help. There has got to be a way for him to be able to manage his pain. I hope that there are solutions.

    It seems like it’s so tough for you guys. I’m sorry:(